Kevin's Korner

I found "True Love" in the Nursing Home

2011-06-28T15:29:00.000-07:00

True love. This phrase or wording often is overused and abused. I likened it to be hollow and empty with a Hollywood-esque fake feel to it. It feels fake because so many times we have the perfect vantage point to watch countless marriages or relationships crumble even under the auspices of "true love."

This "happily ever after, go live in a castle" or prince charming or Cinderella story has been beaten into us as little kids and retold to our kids as we become adults. Even now, its just the idiotic redundancy of far-fetched romance movies that do nothing but reinforce this distorted view of "true love" and what it really means.

Well, I found true love. I discovered it while not actively participating in it if that makes any sense. But I ran face first into it as I walked down the hallway with the faint smell of urine in the air of my local nursing home. As I made my rounds, I noticed three elderly men that looked nice and well groomed. You could tell that they were not residents. I watched them as they came each morning and dutifully walked to respective rooms.

Inside these rooms, lay definitely not Sleeping Beauty but an ugly grotesque fleshly shell of their spouse eaten with cancer or one whose brain is controlled by the jerky spastic movements that only Parkinson's can. They no longer able to function nor talk. They wet themselves as all bodily function is lost. Its a sad horrible picture. But everyday they come.

They come and check their respective wives for sores, problems, and they talk to them even though they probably cant hear him. His deep concerned look mixed with genuine tender love strikes at the heart of me. I watch as he comforts her with his soothing familiar voice when shes scared. I watch as he pushes her in a wheel chair up and down the hallways relentlessly all day to keep her calm and busy and her shaking at bay. I watch as he stands guard with familiar maroon coffee cup in hand and he witnesses firsthand helplessly as his Love withers away....and it's in that moment I realized that's "true love."

There is a pureness about his love. No agenda. No ulterior motive. Just this calm, relentless, tender, pure love shared between mates. He doesn't ever leave her. He loves her. He still is in love with her. She is still the Apple of his eye even as her body literally breaks down in front of his eyes and she's still "buttercup or beautiful" to him.

That's real true love. Seeing one at their worst and loving them even the more. So while the movies are fun and romantic...Ill take the boring, urine smelling, nursing home love any day because that's the love I want and that's the man I want to be.....always there with that unmistakable tender loving gaze standing guard over my true love.

Whew, what a Close Call!

2010-06-16T14:11:00.000-07:00

As I walked yesterday with nail gun in hand, I tripped and came close to pulling the trigger with the gun pointed inches from my heart. If the tip had pressed against my chest....well I'd rather not think about that.

Reflecting back to when the summers were still magical and Cowboys & Indians still waged war in my neighborhood, I recall one instance where in order to gain entrance into the "club," we had to pass a test that consisted of deflecting a bamboo pole that had a sheared metal tip to it.

Well long story made short, I missed the on-coming pole and it hit me and boinked off inches from my eye leaving a bloody gash.

Many times I think that life is a life made up of inches. It's scary and quite often I shudder reflecting back at the thought that if literally had my life been a mere 1-2 inches in either place that I may not be here today.

It's instances like this that vividly remind me of the mercies of God that are renewed daily. His sovereign grace that covers our bone headed mistakes and careless acts.

One early morning last year as I headed to work, I looked left to clear the lane and pressed the accelerator to mosey on out. I just happened to glance to the right just in time to capture the on-coming path of a mammoth construction truck passing a school bus at a break neck speed. Yes, it zoomed by and missed me by mere inches. Whew....still shudder at that one...but

It's instances like this that vividly remind me that God is real. That His care and concern goes beyond a dogmatic fidelity owed by a mythical ancient mandate.

And the stories could go on and on....gasoline, fire, a bunch of dumb boys......but heres the last one:

One rainy night in the 5th grade, I jumped of a flight of stairs, slipped, and bit through the bottom of my lip and my chin was busted apart thus requiring 21 stitches to fix.

But in the meantime, I went in to shock and severe amnesia for 2 days.

Lost completely out of my mind with only a faint recall of memories.....but

It's instances like this that vividly bring forth the awesome nature and redemptive power that God beholds....His nature, His awesomeness, His majesty....

The next time you say "Whew, was that a close call!!"

I say "Nah, that was God!!"

Insecurities for sell!!!

2010-05-26T08:57:00.000-07:00

I read somewhere that "Love makes people do crazy things" but Id say "insecurities make people do crazier things."

Insecurities. We all have them. They are indelibly etched into the fabric of our life often through genes made physical or the tale of a long fought battle made manifest by emotional scars and wounds.

They are markings. Our personal Scarlet Letter that announces publicly to the world and measure the mark where we fall short. These markings sometimes depicted literally across our flesh but sometimes often figuratively in ways not seen are the insecurities that squashes away potential, seeps poison into the beauty of life, and squeezes dead the happiness from our lives.

Its the fear of denial that has us quitting before we even muster up the courage to try. The lack of confidence with issues that have no direct bearing with our talent or skill but yet keeps restraints and chains us to feeling worthless.

From cup size to nose size, from hair loss to hopes of weight loss these physical blemishes to past mistakes to emotional longings or scars and just the whole array of things that plague us into self hate and I say its just dumb, destructive, and futile.

You are beautiful! You are pretty! You are someone! Lacking in one area does not define you!

Yet we long and yearn to fix these things in hopes that we would feel better and have a sense of worth and normalcy to just fit in. While for some these are fixable the sobering fact is that most of these insecurities no matter the amount of fat lost, hair gained, and plastic surgery possible will still be there....

Sure you can lose weight, grow muscle, and augment some body parts but at the end of the day more times than not the same feeling is there...and that is the lack of self worth.

So whats the answer? Well the answer my dear friends is found in........ your identity in Christ! It is not found in yourself. Your worth, life, and everything in between is not made by yourself nor is it yourself but you are but a small microcosm of God.

God loves you dearly despite our shortcomings, physical blemishes, and just screwed up lives. He wants you! He desires you and all the baggage that you have. It doesn't matter our social status, money, looks, fame, or anything but to understand that my confidence is found in God and His love is enough and covers every problem or emotional hurt that I have....is just comforting and assuring.

So this isn't a excuse not to run or workout but it is a reason to find acceptance, love, and hope in God.

Some of the most confident and wonderful people I know are not the prettiest or have a set of perfect teeth...they just have a understanding of who loves them and their desire is to please Him...and not you and me :)

What in the World is Holiness??

2010-03-29T12:23:00.000-07:00

What in the world is holiness? Is it how we dress? How we look? How we act?

Sitting in a sermon not too long ago it was frankly stated that our perceived concept of "holiness" would be the magical Golden Willy Wonka ticket into heaven.

I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs, pull what remaining hair I had, strip my clothes and garner the "sack-cloth and ashes" attire.

How arrogant and ignorant of us!!! For so long we have operated under the auspices of man conceived "holiness" with the sprinkling of convenient scripture that hermeneutically are wrong and quoted out of context.

I fear that we have idolized standards and transposed it into a physically self appointed holiness. We throw scripture around recklessly to support our ill-conceived notions of what we think God wants, how He wants it, and what He is pleased with.

God clearly states that we should have no other idols before us. Isn't it ironic that we place standards aka holiness equal with God and judge the merit of one's salvific relationship with God based on that? Isn't that idolatry??

Now before anyone has an heart attack and questions where I stand on standards: I would say I believe in standards, understand their purpose, and believe its conducive to a Christian walk with Jesus Christ. I love modesty in ALL things as the by-product of relationship with the product, Jesus Christ. But I have problem not with the requirement of it but with the priority of where we place it.

Holiness is not the physical manifestation of what or how one dresses or even possesses in ones house. Lets cut the spiritual facade folks!!...those are standards. Holiness is taking on the spirit of God. His character, his ways, etc. Becoming like Him not through dress but through a deepened spirituality.

It pains me. It frustrates me. It causes me angst. When I see people touting the banner of holiness based off of dress, standards, etc as the way or path to heaven with Jesus Christ and His infinite mercy treated as an accessory....Holiness is not a lifestyle or dress code BUT IT IS AN ATTRIBUTE OF GOD!!! It is a deepened and heightened awareness and cloaking of ones spirituality with the nature and wholeness of God better yet a saturation of the spirit of God that then influences and dictates ones life.

The problem that belies many Pentecostals and/or Christians is that your identity is wrapped in your dress. Your validation and spiritual DNA is coded not through Jesus Christ but yet by your "holiness."

Therefore, we are shallow as Christians. We are immature and yet still babes in Christ! We don't desire more of Christ other than the intiality of our conversion. We cannot get over outer-court living and surface level teachings because it is our baby blanket of identity.

Because going deeper in God lends wisdom and knowledge which will require sacrifice, a challenge to our notion of spirituality, and thorough knowledge of God. Accompanying all that is a responsibility and fidelity to anewed action....thru Christ...and we dont want that....we like surface level teachings, the reaffirmation of our identity...and our baby blanket of comfort.

Thus we are reduced to glorifying the regurgitation of holiness and whoop and holler about our identity through dress instead of the beautiful nature of Christ.

The million dollar question presented is that if stripped of your clothing or your "holiness"...not that so you were naked but we stripped you of your "identity" wrapped in dress/holiness....

Would you look discernably different than the world? Because if dress...oh I meant your "holiness" is the only thing that separates you from the world...then my friend you are lost, blind, and confused.

The crux is stated here...that the mark of a Christian is not looking different.....but it is the innate nature of your soul and spirit that is changed thus markedly changing ones appearance...and that's true holiness folks....the taking on of Jesus Christ and the fulness Him!

My Neighbour's Garage: Too much Junk in da Trunk

2010-03-26T15:57:00.000-07:00

Someone recently told me that I am a little to confrontational in my postings and the message tends to be a little harsh which I promptly told her that Jesus and his message was harsh yet true but I digress.....I shall write with a little more tenderness....where was I? Oh yes my neighbour's garage.....

The Lord speaks to me in weird ways...sometimes its through deep thought, sola scriptura, or real life examples that become a spiritual metaphor with a deep meaning or spiritual inclination and this was one of those instances:

As I was cleaning the yard with my dad which involve me throwing sticks and branches into a pile (I thought of them as spears lol) like King Leonidas from 300 without all the muscles of course but I happen to glance next door at all the junk in their garage and disgustedly thought, "Clean your yard and garage up, you degenerates!" If I could paint a picture, their garage was filled with junk but like a piece of carved wood there was a carved niche of space in all their junk and crap that barely fit their car. Not to mention their house is painted a weird light neon/avocado green....but..

Immediately the Lord spoke and said, "That is how some people are. Their lives are messy, transparent, and one can see how screwed up their life very plainly. On the other hand, there are many people that portray a clean house, a precised and edged yard, and depict a good picture but if I were to walk down the corridors and hallways of their "house" I would find dust, cluttered closets, packed basements, and stuff shoved hidden out of sight under their bed."

Then He impressed me with this thought. "I desire the messy, dirty, and screwed up people much more than the seasoned saint who deceives themself with their coverings. The messed up people are easier to work with and not inherently deceitful nor live under the guise of false pretenses or under the self assuring illusions of perceived salvation."

Wow...talk about getting whammed! Immediately, my life needed a reality check and I prayed Lord forgive me! I told my dad and he had no interest because his basement is rather cluttered....so he muttered something that sounded between a grunt and "yeahh thats good" and continued on his way.

But I was left standing with the thought that I don't want to serve God under false pretenses or with illusions of holiness....because while I may look holy, clean, or pure...in reality I am wicked, deceitful, and my heart faileth me.....the heart is deceitful...who can know it? the scripture says.... and also judging people from my perch is really easy to do. God purge me from judging others and their life...but let me help them and serve them.

So while this isn't an excuse for you to live like a pig but it is a call for us as Christians to check our self. To make sure the corridors and hallways of our hearts are pure and match the outside appearance of our neat and clean "house" aka body.

For if the body and outside is pure and exudes "holiness" but the heart is wicked then what does a man profit? I say nothing.....for he is deceiving his own self into destruction,......

Racist and Christian...How does that work?

2010-03-16T20:59:00.001-07:00

Across the evangelical landscape and still prevalent within Pentecostal circles is a stigma that blankets minorities as undesirable, unwanted, and its just really not acceptable. How do I know? Because I am one and trust me, I don't have a minority chip on my shoulder either. The only chip present is the one placed there by scripture which you and I have to wrestle with.

It totally baffles me how people profess Christ and even better yet wave the Holy Ghost banner so freely and boldly yet their mouths, actions, and words tell the truth of the content and character of their heart. From racial jokes to witty quips and the free usage of terms deemed unfit for even the secular world but yet we somehow have become numb and insensitive to Christ and His message of love.

I am reckoned and forced to confront any hatred for anyone in my heart for any reason and not only confront but extinguish it because scripture specifically 1 John 4:20 bluntly paints me a liar if I hate my brother yet proclaim a love for God.

Therefore the question that confronts everyone of every race is how can we profess Jesus Christ and yet expect Jesus Christ to co-habitat with our racism? How does Christianity coincide with our blatant disregard, unconcern, and bigotry for people that don't fit the bill or right skin pigment?

Well, surprise surprise...the answer is that it doesn't!!! Your profession of Christ and even the speaking in tongues until your tongue is blistered does nothing but call you a liar if you can't love your brother: and yes that is of every race, color, and creed.

If you can't handle that.....I'd tell you to quit misrepresenting Jesus Christ and shed the label you so proudly wear as a "Christian" because you resemble nothing of Him except His pests so aptly known as the Pharisees.

If this world is going to be saved...its going to require that we love with unconditioned love that stretches past stigmas, traditions, and hatred. It requires that you see people through the eyes of Jesus Christ.

Until then......you are a liar.....harsh...I know...I had to confront myself. Now go and do likewise!

Getting Back into the Swings of Things: People and their dumb trends

2010-02-16T12:02:00.000-08:00

People are funny. Watching, observing, or just sitting on a mall bench reveals much about the human nature. The need to be seen, heard, or admired and the ways these "needs" are unveiled and contrived are just too funny...but in pitiful way to watch and experience.

The other day while grocery shopping for some seafood dip (which was amazing) a lady's cellphone goes off to the catchy Alicia Keys/Jay-Z song "Empire State" and with everyone staring at her she lets the song continue for like a minute although recognizing who the person was initially.

The thought hit me suddenly of how base, how simple, and indeed how far the depth of her simpleton ways really were. As her head bounced and swayed to the music with her oversize hips jiggling under the tightly stretch jogging pants begging for salvation, she had the gall to look around daring anyone to meet her eye. Which I gladly sufficed her in and she GAVE ME the idiotic look of "What are you looking at loser?!!

"Hah, you fool!!!" I wanted to yell.....followed by, "You are so simple and servile that you are a slave to fashion, music, arts, or the insecurity that drives you to hide and cover yourself behind those facades." I would just say, "step out and become your real self even if you discover you are a dork. Quit your hip, cool, and ultimately poser ways because you are nothing but citizens to a town named Loserville."

To have the innate desire to be rocognized is one thing and if you have an issue: find yourself at an altar, seek therapy, or meditate. But good grief, spare society and the world of your bullish and outlandish ways.

Some call me ignorant, unaware, or perhaps unappreciative of culture and arts but I like to think that I am real and slightly enlightened....lol...You get what you see with me. Unlike the masses of people hiding behind the curtain that has many covers but yet one name which is insecurity. You are not hip, cool, cutting edge, or fashionable. You are just seeking acceptance. Find it in Christ and everything else falls into place.

Disclaimer: To the people that are real and cool also...more power to ya....I have nothing against music, fashion, arts etc. I enjoy all those things but I laugh heartily at the fools that are slaves to them. Call your facade your passion or maybe even your hobby...I say get real hobby and quit trying to impress people and get to really living. Peace out!

The Fine Balance

2009-09-17T21:17:00.000-07:00

There is a maxim that states that balance is the key to life. That being said I have seen a divide that separates the church: The youth movement versus the older generation. Energy versus wisdom. Passion versus wisdom. And the list could go on. Mistrust on each side that hinders and destroys a true partnership.

The ideal balance that the church should hinge on is upon the wisdom, experience, and sacrifice(s) of the elders fused with the passion and energy of the youth. This partnership should be as a race in which the baton is passed with love and received with honor and respect by the youth.

But too many times the opposite occurs as misconceptions, agendas, and so much junk stands in the place of getting down to the point of effective ministry and healthy church body. Friction and mistrust builds as the older generation cannot trust the younger generation to carry the message and youth just get plain tired of fighting upstream against an untrusting current.

There is an importance concept that must be understood and digested. God doesnt need any one of us. He can do it how He pleases. The older generation needs to understand that its not about them anymore. You have been feed. You have been taught. Now its time for the younger generation, sinners, and new souls. Thru years of church going they ought to be spiritually mature enough to not be coddled and soothed like a baby and fed every other second.

On the otherhand, the younger generation needs to respect, honor, and take in consideration the older generation's fears, ideas, and opinion. To have much admiration and genuine love for the generation that went before is a must. We must never forget what got us to where we are at.

There has to be a mutual understanding and partnership. Or the underpinnings of the church will crumble into fragmented and bitter parts that is so far from God that it is unrecognizable.
There has to be a mutual recognition that we need each other. The youth in ministry has to recognize the importance of wisdom and experience and the older generation must be cognizant that they need new fresh ideas, passion, and energy.

Lets work together in seeing this done. God would so bless His Kingdom if His kids would stop fighting each other.

In God we Trust??

2009-08-24T22:23:00.000-07:00

Trust is a strong word that seemingly gets tossed around like a familar and common thing. "I trust my parents, I trust you," or the biggie "I totally trust God." Even plastered our flailing currency reads "In God we Trust." Such a blanket statement that doesn't even remotely capture or present a true image or meaning of the word.

Trust from parents or family is usually innately acertained and builds naturally. Trust from peer to peer is usually earned through time or friendship. But how does one build, foster, or whatever word you wanna use with God? God is an entity that is not seen, usually not audibly heard, and something in which most of our humanly senses fail to recognize and yet we are supposed to trust this ultimate being.

Often times I believe God's will is like that. Sometimes he doesnt tell you everything because sometimes you just plain dont need to know. I imagine to God its so rewarding to Him when we say "God, I cant see anything ahead, the road looks like a dead-end but I know you told me to travel it so I TRUST you and I will." I think God delights in that and its the mark of a mature Christian!

When this occurrs it totally transposes and verbalizes the word "trust" from mere words to true and meaningful action. So trust God to lead you and guide you. Trust God that He'll never leave you or forsake you. Trust that God will provide every single need. Trust God that the right doors will be opened in due time.

I don't know if everyone has seen the Indiana Jones movie but he is forced to cross this deep chasm to get the Holy Grail or some life giving cup. The only problem is that there appears to be no way or bridge or anything to cross to get there. One of the clues basically tells him its a step of faith and trust. So Harrison Ford steps off in what appears to be his death but he lands on a solid rock bridge that is miraged into making one believe that there is no crossing.

I encourage you to trust in God and find yourself committed to the call of God no matter what the circumstance dictates. As in the movie, the life giving force was only discovered and utilized when a step of undenying faith and trust was practiced.

Likewise, in your life, practice true trust and blind faith. Place these things into the character of God. His character is perfect and He has never failed. Not once. You can trust God. Make true the infamous statement and declare it as not a motto but as a spiritual discipline "In God we Trust."

I might actually want to get married one day!

2009-07-12T23:44:00.001-07:00

Crazy title, huh? I was in a wedding just recently and I found myself in the most unusual place. Instead of being innately and boyfully disgusted, repulsed, and on the verge of throwing up by the idea of settling in martial union...I discovered that I was actually okay with the idea and maybe actually even wanted to meet someone worth marrying, soon. So crazy!

This notion or yearning for marriage usually hits females more so than males at weddings. I used to make fun of the girls that would shed tears of joyful bliss as their friends finally snagged the one and only prince charming.

As a guy, my friends and I usually felt some sort of disgust as our friend(s) finally bit the bullet and crossed over unto the "dark side." I always felt a sense of sadness as I watched many of my friends disappear down the dark, dank, corridor of something called "marriage." But something was definitely different and certainly I felt different on Saturday as I watched one of my best friends get married. I discovered to my horror that I want to get married eventually too! And quite soon(Within reason that is...I haven't totally lost my mind)! To who? Hah, only God knows. I certainly do not.

I remember pinching myself and asking, "Wow, Kevin! Did I bump my head or ingest some sort of love drug?" I felt initially disgusted and ashamed that I, Kevin Mueller would feel in such a romantic way.

Maybe its a maturation process. Who knows? I feel like I crossed over a threshold from youthful frat-house mentality to actually maybe becoming a man. Well, lets not get carried away shall we? Maybe just a dose of eventual reality struck me that I better get used to the idea that I won't always be playing X-Box and hanging with my "homies" and I should actually embrace marriage.

Repulsed? Disgusted? Feel like throwing up, guys? Well you are on the right track. I was there and now I am here. One day you'll find yourself on an altar representing your best friend and wishing it was you instead....Sad, isn't it? :)

Starbuck's Epiphany

2009-07-02T18:53:00.000-07:00

Those close to me know that I have embarked on a spiritual journey that is fully exploring the outer limits and boundaries of my theology. For those that are worried, no I am not becoming one of the pseudo-religious weirdos that believe the God is an mysterious mystic entity that is individually expressed through whatever form or way I deem fit but more on the issue and condition of my heart.

I was sitting down enjoying a wonderful Venti coffee with a shot of caramel mixed in when I had a sudden realization or epiphany. It had occurred to me that in my personal spiritual walk with God I had missed something vitally important. Somehow cloaked in the mirage of graduating Bible School and having invested both willingly and unwillingly 25 years in the Apostolic-Pentecostal movement that somewhere along this journey I have missed Christ and His message. Crazy, huh? To think that Christianity actually goes beyond Acts 2:38? But to actually love people and care for them and how they feel and what they are experiencing...

I wonder how we so blatantly ignore the message of love presented by Christ? How could we treat our brothers and sisters in the world and church with such disregard? Slander, malice, hatred, jealousy, envy, racism and the list could go on and on. We are so guilty of letting the self-imposed title "Christian" roll off our tongue as we so easily profess Christ in our lives yet we live so diametrically opposite of Him. Christ-like?? I think not.

Sometimes it's ignorance or faulty teaching that leads to this condition but other times its just easier to live a life devoted to Christ with just mere words. I was in conversation with someone who is a life long Christian and they made a claim that the scripture speaking of being unequally yoked refers to inter-racial marriages and my parents (Dad-white, Mom-Korean) are not in the will of God and despite the fact that they are good people...they just didn't have the knowledge of what the scripture really meant and married before coming to Christ.

What ignorance! What faulty teaching?! We sing the song "Jesus loves All the Little Children," but really deep in our hearts we know (think) that He only loves kids of no color.

Folks...if we are to love people and reach people, racism and ignorance must be abolished. Twisting scripture to fit what ever bias or cultural preference you have is dead wrong! Life long traditions and mental blocks must be broken and destroyed. We will not reach this world and touch people's life with archaic attitudes.

True love requires intense sacrifice of traditions, preferences, and attitudes. Serving people will always demand your energy, money, and time. The question is are we willing to change to culture of the Church and shed the label "Christian" until we actually reach a point in our spiritual walk where we really do mirror Jesus and His ministry?

Or will we wander fruitlessly, blind, ignorant, and eventually irrelevant?

The Facebook Culture

2009-07-01T11:02:00.000-07:00

Everyone loves Facebook. It is like crack to crack addict. There is a cultural and societal phenomenon that has occurred in America and that is the instant status update. The one thing alone has transformed instantly the way America communicates. Due to this incessant merging of time spent on Facebook and our life we have somehow lost the value of decency and knowing in good judgement what or what not should be posted.

Who ever thought that the average mundane life of people could be so interesting? It is like Jerry Springer 24/7 on your own personal home page. From life troubles to very deep and personal updates that flay open the gory details of your failing relationship, I say it has to stop somewhere.

Its not that we do not care about your marriage or what you are feeling but its like going out to eat with the "couple that fights everywhere." I will have to admit I was once took part in a relationship in which we fought everywhere. I hated doing it but perhaps I hated being in that state of relationship more than I thought. What this did though is make everyone feel awkward and made us look incredibly stupid and immature. And the tipping point came when my friends and I all went on a trip and no one wanted to ride with us. A light bulb went off...hmmmm maybe I make people feel awkward and they really don't want hear us fight. Thank God for mental growth.

Likewise with the personal and sometimes very very personal updates. Keep in house stuff IN HOUSE! I don't want to know every detail of your relationship. I don't want to know if today is a good day and then tomorrow that you did something wrong and you are hanging by a fingernail before the dread D word...divorce comes up.

So this blog is a wake up call. Ask yourself before you post something: Is this decent? Will this offend my wife/husband/significant other? Will I look like a fool? or make someone else look foolish?

And maybe those questions don't cover every question but you get the jist. I have grown tired of seeing people post dumb and asinine updates for all of the Facebook world to see, digest, and forever make snap judgements of who you are and the level of your maturity.

Save yourself and your family and most of all your possessions (plates, cups, and cupboard) from being thrown at you by your significant other by not posting personal and dumb posts!

Blogging is Hard!

2009-06-28T00:54:00.001-07:00

Wow, its been awhile since my last blog. Its hard to remain faithful to something thats really not essential in one's life. So at 3 am on a stormy early Sunday morning here I am writing about the uncertainity and questions of life.

For those that don't know and are uninformed, I graduated Gateway College of Evangelism!!! And I am "ready" to face the world of unknown. Its so ironic how while at Gateway I was bursting out the seams (not literally) to take on the whole world and now everything seems timid and tentative...(I get the picture of Bambi learning how to walk..haha)

Its definitely surreal and very disconcerting not to take obvious paths that logic would dictate you take but to rely on some quiet inner voice that is steadily and constantly assuring you that there is an unknown road that you must travel down.

As humans we seek security and the path that is known where the rewards or pitfalls have been duly located and noted but thats not really how it works in God's world or economy. His ways, logic, and being totally surpasses our pea size brain and our even smaller faith.

I think God sometimes thinks, "I wish the idiot humans would quit trying to figure everything out and stop trying to discover all the answers, and just GO in obedience." I am trying to learn this. After graduating the question that looms large in my life is, what NOW?

What, where, and how are the question that are incessantly pounded into my mind and heart. And in that I have truly leaned on God because as I laid there many nights nervous, scared, fearful, timid, and feeling sorry for myself, God has been steadily assuring me to trust Him and His ways aren't ours. So while our situation seems unclear in human dynamics, God is wanting to see faith from us and thats when He raises us up, open doors, and empowers.

A Dream Deferred

2009-04-07T00:15:00.000-07:00

I know of a person who had high aspirations and sought to do wonderful things with their dream. They do everything by the book; attend college, attend graduate school, and etc. But only they discover that the very dream that pushed them to late hours of study and dedication has now betrayed them as their dream lies just out of reach. They just don’t have "it" to succeed in their field. Not that they aren't smart but something that they missed earlier is now proving to be their downfall. The proverbial saying of "close but no cigar" comes to mind.

I began to think of this person and I asked myself, "What does a person do with an empty shell of a life?" The very passion for living and the taste buds of your life have been forever muted and numbed. How does one recover to live a fulfilling life upon discovering that their life dream is just a fraction of what it could have been? Just a scant distant reminder constantly poking its head up of the life deferred. What does that person do?

I discovered that it is just plain miserable to be around a person like that. I feel boxed in and sucked in the unyielding black hole of their misery. I say, "Leave me alone" because my life has plenty of misery in it.

On the serious side, there is nothing more tragic than a person living in a shell of what used to be. I am not sure what is worse; being the bystander having to listen to one moan and groan about the past or actually be the person who can't let go. Either one is not an attractive choice. It does bring to remembrance, Willy Loman from Death of a Salesman and how this dear old man was living a life that once was real but had faded softly into the horizon yesteryear.

The tragedy occurs when he lives this pretended life to keep up appearances for his family. Only to find that he is empty, broken, and despaired. His allusions and made up kingdom quickly makes haste and crumbles. Not to ruin the story but Willy later commits suicide.

I came to the conclusion that either two things can happen:
1. You can live in the past and mope about what could have been and relive the memories and watch as the "peers of your dream" succeed while you live an empty life or
2. You can discover that life is full of ups and downs, twists and turns, and that there is One who has laid everything out for you. The dream or calling that once served as the inspiration and driving force can now become a testimony of the creativity of the Master planner. New dreams, passions, and purpose can and will emerge if you allow it. Life is about the journey so pick yourself up and enjoy it.

So I guess don't be like Willy.

Start of my blog

2009-03-30T11:58:00.000-07:00

With the emerging blogging culture becoming prevalent I, Kevin Mueller have decided to blog about my life, current events, and whatever becomes an issue that I deem worthy of a blog.

Recently, there was a man whom I knew briefly if barely knew but his life impacted mine in such a way as to make me reflect upon how short and brief life is. It is truly like breathing faintly upon a window pane and watching it swiftly and inevitably fade away. This man appearing healthy and robust died a sudden and unexpected death.

How sad! I have pondered and even asked my friends which would serve you better; to know that you are dying so you can get your goodbyes in order or to die suddenly hoping that you said I love you enough to the ones that matter.

In this day and time where communication is so readily available I find it harder to keep in touch with love ones as my time is saturated with a mind altering/numbing pace. I propose that we should take a time out and assess who or what really deserves our precious time. Is it Facebook, TV, sports, etc or actually the essence of life which is knowing and relishing the short fleeting time we have we the people we love.

I recently have began to yearn to spend time with my parents. As lame and morbid as that sounds, their wealth of knowledge, love, and concern is not measurable and I realized that the depth in which I know them is in a shallow way. I came to understand that the only role in which I knew my parents were as guardians and suppliers and my call to personal action was to gauge the depth of their being as to comprehend them in a light that has never been seen.

So as they are in their 50's, I want to make sure I tell them that I love them and they mean the world to me because one never knows where the winding road of life will abruptly end.